If you are doing this to be beautiful, please, get out NOW. This? This will not make you beautiful. Those girls you want to look like, the models and celebrities and that bitch at your school aren’t starving themselves. Most of them are naturally as they are. I know that’s not what you want to hear, I know you want to become that, but starving yourself, over exercising, purging? Beauty is not the end result.
What will happen to you:
• your hair will fall out. Not in a minuscule “wow there’s more hair on my brush” kind of way. You’ll be in the shower washing your hair and when you rinse off the shampoo you rinse off clumps of your hair. I’m talking handfuls, i’m talking bald spots.
• you won’t have beautiful, airbrushed skin. You’ll drain of all colour, your lips and fingernails will turn permanently blue. Big red and purple bags under your eyes because you can’t sleep, you should be exercising! You can’t stop thinking about the god damn calories and how you should have eaten less than nothing. You’ll be covered in bruises and scabs because your body can’t heal it’s self, it can only focus on staying alive. And no, this is not an ‘aesthetic’.
• you won’t look dainty and delicate, people won’t be jealous. They’ll be terrified, concerned, disgusted. To a normal person you look like your skin has sunken into your body, every vein jutting out and every bone you crave so badly will dominate your body in the ugliest way.
• everything hurts. Sitting, standing, lying down. Standing up is hard and will make you faint. You won’t be able to even walk for longer than a few minutes without being out of breath and serious muscle pain. You will feel your heart struggle, beating hard and slow and it will eventually give out.
• and this doesn’t just happen from being thin. This won’t be when you get to your ‘ugw’. These are all symptoms of malnourishment. This could happen to you at any weight, at any point, if you are punishing your body like this then you will experience these things. Thin isn’t even guaranteed!
Maybe you think this won’t happen to you. Maybe you think you’ll be able to stop once you reach your goal. I can promise you right now, if you keep going, you will never stop. It will never be enough. Just 5lbs more, just until your thighs are a little further apart, just until your stomach is a little bit flatter. Instead of getting closer to your goal, you’re getting closer to death. To pain. To places no one should ever have go. This is the reality that ‘proana’ doesn’t want you to know. This is the future of all of you if you don’t stop, if you don’t get help as soon as you can.
If not for yourself, do it for the 1 in 5 sufferers of anorexia that die. Do it for them, because they will never have the chance that you do.
